I didn't write this...but enjoyed reading it. So I thought I would share it with you.

Wednesday, January 13, 1999

Stereotypes of women exist in 'modern' society
LEADERSHIP: Conference aims to combat lingering idea of female inferiority

By Melanie Ho

Over break, I watched the film "Elizabeth," the story of the strong-willed queen of England. Early in the movie, the young Elizabeth closely follows the words of her advisers, ultimately causing unneeded death, threatening her power, and bringing the country further into a downward spiral of destruction. When Elizabeth decides to follow her own instincts, dismissing her top adviser, he exclaims something to the effect of, "But you're only a woman!"

We may have left behind many practices of the 16th century, but as I left the theater with those words playing themselves over and over again on the edge of my consciousness, I wondered how often I've heard similar phrases which imply the inferiority of women. These phrases reverberate in the thoughts and dialogue of both men and women today.

Recently, I was discussing politics with a classmate who wasn't very familiar with the political system. As we talked about how members of congress work in Washington, D.C., during the week and often fly home to their districts during the weekends, she seemed aghast. "But what about the women? What about their families?"

This was not a great-grandmother living in the time period in which respectable women didn't wear pants. This was a UCLA student born and raised in what we claim to be the most democratic and open-minded nation on the globe.

It is no wonder that there are only nine women in the U.S. Senate (of 100 senators). Women represent 50 percent of the population, but less than 10 percent of our highest legislative body. My classmate's dialogue represented the idea that women are only fit for housekeeping and not for the responsibilities of governing the nation. This comment is not too different from the comment that Queen Elizabeth's character received in the film.

"I'm old-fashioned. I believe the guy should always pay for dates," a friend once told me. Did she realize that such an attitude is reflective of a time when men were the only ones with careers and thus had to pay for dates? Those who were "only women" were objects to be bought by the sole bread-winning gender.

Many of the women who believe that "the guy should always pay for dates" will soon enter a work force where they will be greatly disappointed, since women with the same level of jobs as men are generally paid less. But how can we expect equal pay if we are not willing to pay equally?

Last quarter, I heard a joke about marriage. It wasn't funny to me, so I didn't bother to remember it exactly. But it said something about a woman's success being judged by the financial success of her husband.

When I helped a male friend move out of the dorms, it seemed as if he wasn't sure whether or not to accept the help. Was it OK for "only a girl" to assist in carrying stuff?

Several days earlier, I heard someone make an offhand comment against "women drivers". When another person in the car asked him about it, he replied that he didn't mean it seriously, that it wasn't a big deal. It is a big deal.

"Guys are just better at science and math." "Women are always more sensitive." Such comments are common in our dialogue today.

"You mean that society has conditioned each gender to behave differently?" I sometimes ask friends who have made such comments, unwilling to believe that they are being serious. The typical response is, "No. They're just better. I've never thought about why."

When people make such blanket statements about what women and men are better at, without realizing it, that usually means that the statement is so integrated into their thoughts that they didn't have to think about it.

This causes a self-fulfilling prophecy in which people treat others how they expect them to behave. Thus, people behave how they are expected to. One who thinks that "girls are better at English and boys are better at math" is likely to raise a male child and female child differently, encouraging each child to do what he or she is respectively "good at" based only on gender.

"They're just harmless jokes." "I wasn't thinking." "I didn't mean to be sexist." These perhaps are the most frightening statements of all. What we say when we're not paying attention represents what we're innately thinking when nobody's looking and when we're not worried about being "politically correct." These are the statements that are the most dangerous because they show that we ultimately don't find anything wrong with the thoughts that these statements represent and imply.

These expressions are a part of our dialogue. They come to us naturally, just as it was natural, in the film, for Elizabeth's adviser to tell her that she was "only a woman" and for Elizabeth herself to respond not by defending her abilities or her gender, but instead by replying that she could rule and act like a man.

The solution lies in changing the way we think, in realizing that there is a problem and that we are all a part of it. In telling friends and acquaintances about a women's leadership committee that is planning the Third Annual UCLA Women's Leadership Conference, I was surprised at how many people told me that they were "not really interested." "I'm not a feminist and not really into politics," they would say.

Women's leadership is not just about politics. And feminism (or women's leadership or women's rights or whatever you wish to call it) isn't something that can really be defined. It's about equality. It's about stopping and realizing what the "harmless" jokes and offhand comments represent in a society where women are not yet equal.

Look at how women are represented in the media. Flip through a magazine sometime or turn on the television and really pay attention. Watch how a woman and man at a car dealership are treated completely differently. How many female business leaders or filmmakers or famous scientists can most people name?

Women's leadership is about changing basic attitudes, and it is these basic attitudes that effect every aspect of our lives.

Chased by Canadian Geese

i've been taking it really easy lately which i know i'm definitely going to pay for later. i have so much stuff due but since it's a few weeks' time away, i've been just idling and taking naps and reading for pleasure again.

anyway, one of those pleasures i experienced today was a walk. there are some nice paths/trails by my house (like a 20 min walk away); so simon and i took the liberty of going for a walk after dinner. there was a pond and lots of trees and shrubs...and naturally, a lot of mosquitoes. i must have sweet blood or something cause they feasted on my flesh. i'm so itchy right now.

anyway, while we were walking, i noticed a pack of canadian geese (like 30 or 40 of them) by the pond. they were sort of lined up single file to take a dip in the pond. so naturally, being curious about them, i stood nearby to watch. one of those suckers noticed me and started waddling towards me fast! the rest of them turn their heads and about 20 of them start coming after me. i back away and start waving my arms to show that i had no food. i even said aloud several times, "no food, no food." at this point, simon starts laughing hysterically at me while i run away.

i know they'll do me no harm but i just didn't want them right around my legs in case they start pooping or something. (i was wearing sandals).

Cultural Difference

Twice in one day? I know...I guess I have a lot to say, or perhaps a lot of time on my hands. just a small question to ask. which one of your parents are you more afraid of when they are mad?

i had an argument with my dad this morning. he rarely gets really angry so when he does, he's a little scary. my parents and i have different viewpoints on a lot of things, partly because i think i was raised here and they were raised in hong kong. they tell me that the education system here allows children to be defiant and disrespectful. b/c when they were growing up, they were never allowed to voice their disagreements with their parents...something which simon and i have no problem doing.

On Sleepless Nights

i had such a great time last post writing without capitals and such that i think i will do it again. i mean, it is 2 am in the morning...who needs punctuation anyway?

and on the topic of time, i would like to ask whether anyone else has sleepless nights like i sometimes experience. i find that whenever i have a lot to think about, or a lot of things to do, or a lot of stress in my life, i tend to not be able to fall asleep cause i'm thinking about everything. like: what i need to get done tomorrow? what's going to happen if i quit my job? what will i do next year when i move? how will i get to school? i also tend to rehearse the sequence of what i need to get done for the next day.

if you do not already know, my family is in the process of selling our house and moving someplace else that isn't accessible by convenient public transport. and by that, i mean TTC cause the Go or York transit is going to drive me nuts, i think.

i also start my first teaching day tomorrow, teaching a grade 7/8 split class and a grade 9/10 split class English. i've spent over 15 hours preparing the materials and linking my lessons with the Ontario Curriculum and what that's only the general outline of this five week block. it's insane the preparation time teachers, well dedicated ones anyway, put into planning and preparing for their classes. it's as my course director said this past year, "for every hour you teach, you take at least 2 hours in planning." or was it three? well, that's one reason why i'm sleepless tonight...i keep running off in my head the list of things i need to do tomorrow. as well, i'm imaging what my class will be like.

what is also distracting me from sleep is this job thing. for those who know me well, i'm usually really well-planned and prepared. i've been contemplating the past week whether i should resign from my job, which leads me into thinking: "ok, ok. if i quit this one, what's going to replace it? " i need to find a job that maintains my current earning level for next year...otherwise, jenn won't have the funds to paid for school, or the funds to transport myself on the Go bus next fall. the Go bus is expensive, eh?

another equally distracting element in my life is that i've recently been in touch with a long lost, distant relative of mine. a relative that i never actually knew to exist. i've been corresponding with him the past several days and it's opened up a lot of questions i have about my family history and the past. he has invited my family to visit him and his wife...and i don't want to comment on those plans yet in case i jinx them and they fail...but i am genuinely happy/excited/nervous/glad about this correspondence. simon and i have been talking about what this may mean. personally, i think that this will help complete a chapter in our lives that we've always wondered about. so that's another thing on my mind tonight.

uh oh! in between writing this post and checking on ev's and daniela's and everyone else's blogs, it's 2:40am! i think i'm going to have another try at sleeping. i'm going to be soo cranky with my students tomorrow. wish me luck!!