On Sleepless Nights

i had such a great time last post writing without capitals and such that i think i will do it again. i mean, it is 2 am in the morning...who needs punctuation anyway?

and on the topic of time, i would like to ask whether anyone else has sleepless nights like i sometimes experience. i find that whenever i have a lot to think about, or a lot of things to do, or a lot of stress in my life, i tend to not be able to fall asleep cause i'm thinking about everything. like: what i need to get done tomorrow? what's going to happen if i quit my job? what will i do next year when i move? how will i get to school? i also tend to rehearse the sequence of what i need to get done for the next day.

if you do not already know, my family is in the process of selling our house and moving someplace else that isn't accessible by convenient public transport. and by that, i mean TTC cause the Go or York transit is going to drive me nuts, i think.

i also start my first teaching day tomorrow, teaching a grade 7/8 split class and a grade 9/10 split class English. i've spent over 15 hours preparing the materials and linking my lessons with the Ontario Curriculum and what that's only the general outline of this five week block. it's insane the preparation time teachers, well dedicated ones anyway, put into planning and preparing for their classes. it's as my course director said this past year, "for every hour you teach, you take at least 2 hours in planning." or was it three? well, that's one reason why i'm sleepless tonight...i keep running off in my head the list of things i need to do tomorrow. as well, i'm imaging what my class will be like.

what is also distracting me from sleep is this job thing. for those who know me well, i'm usually really well-planned and prepared. i've been contemplating the past week whether i should resign from my job, which leads me into thinking: "ok, ok. if i quit this one, what's going to replace it? " i need to find a job that maintains my current earning level for next year...otherwise, jenn won't have the funds to paid for school, or the funds to transport myself on the Go bus next fall. the Go bus is expensive, eh?

another equally distracting element in my life is that i've recently been in touch with a long lost, distant relative of mine. a relative that i never actually knew to exist. i've been corresponding with him the past several days and it's opened up a lot of questions i have about my family history and the past. he has invited my family to visit him and his wife...and i don't want to comment on those plans yet in case i jinx them and they fail...but i am genuinely happy/excited/nervous/glad about this correspondence. simon and i have been talking about what this may mean. personally, i think that this will help complete a chapter in our lives that we've always wondered about. so that's another thing on my mind tonight.

uh oh! in between writing this post and checking on ev's and daniela's and everyone else's blogs, it's 2:40am! i think i'm going to have another try at sleeping. i'm going to be soo cranky with my students tomorrow. wish me luck!!